Whatever it is that is holding me back, it is time to put that aside. I think, in general, I have always been an under-confident person, time and again self doubting my capabilities. Sometimes even settling for the less I am afraid. Until I try, I wouldn’t know. Right? Being an optimist helps, because then you see the good in people and find a silver lining in every perplexing situation. That, be good and good comes to you theory y’all! Keeps me content. But for the longest time, I have not felt a drive to prove something, to achieve something, to reach a finish line. I think I will go ahead and set a goal just to amuse myself. As a person, I want to be ever-changing, ever-growing. And if that insists me to step out of my comfort zone, so be it. Let’s do this. To the new challenges and upcoming earnest efforts!
Cannot gauge what the mind seeks.
Oblivious to what the heart wants.
Yet the battle between these two is palpable.
Never in sync; never in concord.
I wonder when their paths would cross.
And if the conflict ever ends.
I barely remember what I last wrote about. Loosening ties with myriad things from the past. Is time playing its magic trick? Life is changing. Some days for the better, some days for the worst. I have become more subtle with my reactions and it sometimes scares me. I guess things still affect me but I express them in a more feeble manner. It is hitting more hard than ever to me that everything I experience is fleeting. All the priceless moments and all the tormenting nights. How does one stay sane amidst this chaos of variation? Where nothing is consistent, each day is a new challenge, and any slight indication of stability turns into a farce. I am a living paradox of patience and restiveness. Count me for ages but lose me by the hours. Working on my flaws, taking up healthy habits, getting better each day. Consistency comes with time, isn’t it?
It breaks your heart some times to see the people you love so much, wallowing in despair. And to be able to do nothing about it. Sure you can talk to them. But what do I say? Stay strong, be patient, resilience bears fruits. As I have observed, none of it quite seems to work. A confidence once floating in abundance shows no signs of trace now. Some days, you just can’t make a person you care about stop crying. And it’s fine. Them confiding enough in you to show their weak bits is a support enough. Some days, you just have to be there and remind yourself to not lose YOUR patience or faith in them. Be an anchor till the ship is ready to sail may be.
I have missed you WordPress. My company in solace. Today, I find myself in a deep pit of restlessness again and I come back, trying to find some answers. Could you sit back and cater to my delusional ideas, please. How agitating it is not knowing what you want in life? I find myself drifting away from reality. I am uncomfortable around my friends I once shared great bonds with. Makes me wonder, were they friends at the first place? Family equations are getting complex by the day. I am starting to feel dissatisfied with my work. Too reluctant to advice, too stubborn to changes. I know I need to change certain things about me, I just don’t know where to start and if it is too late. Even if I turn out to be an anomaly, it would help if I was a self-contained one.
A tiny tear dropped from those hazel eyes.
Startled, the eye enquired: “Where have you been? I never imagined I would be so deprived of you. That there will come a day where I have to crave for your visit. We almost lost touch.”
Tear replied: “I am your friend, ain’t I? or Am I your foe now, your barely want to see me?”
Eye gave some thought to it and then told the tear: “May be we are friends and enemies. You are there in happiness and in despair. It almost seems impossible to give you up. Too much of you seems detrimental to health and seeing too little of you makes me anxious. I always know you’ll come around. It’s almost like we go hand in hand. I love your absence and you hate seeing me happy without you.
So frenemies, are we?”
Could WE co-exist with a little bit of YOU and a little bit of I?
At times, there is so much of YOU that I feels trifle. Some days it’s only I and no trace of YOU. One moment too distant, next minute too involved. Do YOU and I ever find a balance? When I sulks could YOU hold strong; when YOU panics could I stay calm. When time doesn’t move forward, could I keep the clock aside? When everything is haywire, could YOU stand the storm. If only I could be I, YOU could be YOU and they still manage to discover WE; US would make quite a story!
P.S. : Only time will tell.