I am looking forward to tomorrow…such a beautiful thought to end the day with.
I don’t know where my life is heading towards. I don’t have everything sorted out. I haven’t planned a millisecond ahead of this moment. I have nothing under control. I have no fucking clue. Infact I am clueless as the wind, on which direction to perambulate next. I live in the present. Yet, I look forward to tomorrow. Life ain’t bad.
Amigos…there is this girl. She likes to be free. It runs in her veins, the very essence of freedom. May be that is how she was brought up, may be she never incurred any restrictions, or may be she was blockaded for too long which turned freedom into her utmost desire, may be she learnt it through experience, or may be she acquired the taste for it, you can never tell. Boundaries and prejudices curb her spirit. She likes to wear clothes according to her mood and not based on surroundings. She wants to wear her heart on sleeves. Some days she likes her hair messy. Some days she doesn’t want to respond to every banal conversation. She picks her interests not on convenience but on her own choice. She doesn’t crave for your attention. She is too entangled in the chain of her own thoughts. She is no role model. She is faulty to her core nature. If only others could stop trying to figure her out. She smiles, and even cries with equal vigor. She has the fire, to make things work for her, assistance no-assistance. She is a mystery…never to be solved. You don’t get it yet? I am that girl, YOU are that girl.
(Guys…you are great too! :D..can give it a read)
6:00 am. A lizard is crawling right on top of my wall. They creep me out in totality. For a moment, I thought may be we could turn friends…you know, staying in the same room and stuff! But neither one of us wants to make an effort. Happy in our own space. Anyway, I am at the brink of this weekend. The clock ticks 8 am and the dynamics would change. How strange is that? How rigid is the mind? Sticks to the notions and the set beliefs. If only I could mix Mondays with the Sun-Fun-Sundays!
I am a believer…not a cynic..would only hope for a better day ahead. So, cheers to you-better-work-your-ass-off Mondays! And I hope you guys have a great week ahead of you.
What do I write today?
Hope: Whatever you want your grand children to read in future and smile!
Skepticism: I am not sure I’ll reach to a point of having grand children.
Faith: Oh sure you will. Okay, write about something you believe in.
Insecurity: What can I possibly offer that hasn’t been said already?
Mind: Every individual brings something new to the plate.
Heart: Let’s just go ahead and lament about lost love and what could have been!
Angel elf: You don’t have to be sad all the time. Temperate is good too. Take time.
Demon elf: Sulk baby sulk. Better than that, complain about people who have done wrong to you!
Strength: Why not encourage others? On how things always get better. Trust your instincts.
Desire: Create something magical. Your words shall enchant.
Girly side: Let’s talk about the pretty dresses you bought and ooo! those nail paints.
Independence: Let’s not waste time figuring out people. Explore broader horizons.
Persnicketiness: Watch you words.
Conscience: Chuck it all. Do what you want!
One dainty human and a sea of emotions! Today we just wonder about the possibilities.
Can you go on throughout the day without speaking a word? Like a pithy okay and nice from your mouth, a bit of please, thank you here and there, that’s all, nothing else. Does that make one weird? On days when I have had close to null interaction, and I am ruling out social media talks or texting, I strangely tend to talk to myself!
Left late from office today. And just before I was moving to the parking lot to get to my scooty(we need to call it with a better name!), I heard these roaring thunderstorms. Cacophonic, slightly intimidating. It hadn’t started raining yet. To soothe myself, I uttered in my head..garajte badal baraste nahi..(it’s kind of a hindi counterpart for barking dogs seldom bite…that literally means thunderous clouds don’t quite give a rainfall). I think the clouds took umbrage in it. It pricked them right at the spot, because the wrath of rain that I faced thereafter was something! Heavy and getting heavier by the second. I was all drenched and shivering and uttering on my way: fuck! Never smart mouth the nature next time.
I will resume my interaction with humans from tomorrow.
I have decided.
I won’t let you slide away the memory lane with few tears in my eyes,
few shoulders to lean on,
few sad songs to relate to,
and there, gone.
I will preserve your nuances like I have treasured my childhood story books.
I will savour our moments like I remember dialogues from my favorite movie ever.
I will relish your kisses like I distinctly recognize my most delectable chocolate flavour.
I will miss your warmth like I yearn for some heat on a chilly, chilly winter evening.
I will smile at your thoughts, how a child smiles gazing at the rainbow.
I will memorize you like the lyrics of a beautiful poignant song.
I will wear your fragrance like a flower carries its own.
I will laugh at your silliness, how I laugh when I trip.
I will sob that you are gone, how I sob over mushy scenes, with a handkerchief over my nose.
I will fancy doing vile things to you because when has moth ever stopped lusting the flame.
I will be there, how the dawn never disappoints dusk, not one day.
I will imbibe you such, that the difference cannot be told.
There will be you,
and there will be I,
but there will be a tad bit of you in me,
from now on, till the end of time.
I could better be an owl! At least that would save me from getting late for office tomorrow. Sleep disorder. Eating disorder. Let’s not even step into emotional disorder. Why am I living like this? Been there, done that, so many times. Have been out of sync so often that I have almost forgotten how it feels, to be naturally happy. There are moments when I am around people and a wave of thoughts rushes into my head and I just run amok to find some empty corner to sit and process my thoughts(therapist anyone!).
I know each one of us has issues. And a history behind it. Is happiness more rare than sadness these days? Why has discontent overtaken my content? Plus I don’t understand the concept of seeking happiness. Doing things that you consider would make you happy because, well others look happy doing it! It’s a load of crap. What I do know now is, I am on the driving seat. No one else. Have to, have to, take control.
Anyway, I think I got carried away. What I wanted to tell you all is that I recently started riding my two-wheeler to office. Stumbled, struggled, feared but I did start. Kind of a tiny big deal for me!