I have missed you WordPress. My company in solace. Today, I find myself in a deep pit of restlessness again and I come back, trying to find some answers. Could you sit back and cater to my delusional ideas, please. How agitating it is not knowing what you want in life? I find myself drifting away from reality. I am uncomfortable around my friends I once shared great bonds with. Makes me wonder, were they friends at the first place? Family equations are getting complex by the day. I am starting to feel dissatisfied with my work. Too reluctant to advice, too stubborn to changes. I know I need to change certain things about me, I just don’t know where to start and if it is too late. Even if I turn out to be an anomaly, it would help if I was a self-contained one.
A tiny tear dropped from those hazel eyes.
Startled, the eye enquired: “Where have you been? I never imagined I would be so deprived of you. That there will come a day where I have to crave for your visit. We almost lost touch.”
Tear replied: “I am your friend, ain’t I? or Am I your foe now, your barely want to see me?”
Eye gave some thought to it and then told the tear: “May be we are friends and enemies. You are there in happiness and in despair. It almost seems impossible to give you up. Too much of you seems detrimental to health and seeing too little of you makes me anxious. I always know you’ll come around. It’s almost like we go hand in hand. I love your absence and you hate seeing me happy without you.
So frenemies, are we?”
Could WE co-exist with a little bit of YOU and a little bit of I?
At times, there is so much of YOU that I feels trifle. Some days it’s only I and no trace of YOU. One moment too distant, next minute too involved. Do YOU and I ever find a balance? When I sulks could YOU hold strong; when YOU panics could I stay calm. When time doesn’t move forward, could I keep the clock aside? When everything is haywire, could YOU stand the storm. If only I could be I, YOU could be YOU and they still manage to discover WE; US would make quite a story!
P.S. : Only time will tell.
It has been so long since I was all by myself that I have forgotten how it actually feels. Was busy day in, day out with a number of things and today when I have nothing else to do apart from ruminating, I write. I stay alone and this is a bit surprising to me, because duh! how much of alone time do you need? May be, I have intentionally kept myself so occupied that I get no time to think. Could be good, could be bad. I strained my brain cells a little and realized I have become something else over these years.
This is the same, yearly, on coming birthday panic talk. I turn 27 a day after. Decided to take it in a positive stride this time! Is my life figured out yet—>
Bank Balance? hahaha..Come again?
Life Partner? Recuperating from commitment-phobia.
So then, reasons to smile? I might have some. Just finished my beginner’s French class. Spent a happy year teaching lovely kids and making new friends. Moments when I self treated myself, with a hot chocolate drink, a mango shake or a cute dress. Funny dance moves. Long conversations and kissing emojis. Tiny trips here and there. Things that must not be shared. Night owl turning into an early bird moments. Trying to finish what’s on my plate moments. These little things. I think I could take on 27. 🙂 <3.
Fingers crossed though.
Am I changing?
Metamorphosing from caterpillar to a butterfly?
I often feel the world runs too fast for my pace. Like I am a snail trying to keep up with a leopard. And then I ponder, why can’t I take leisure in my pace. Definitely, the leopard and I don’t have a common destination in our minds. I have stopped speculating over the would be’s. At this moment, I have ample reasons to smile. And I find that enough. Nerves being nerves always act crazy, however, there is something different in my stride. Like it has found a way to walk on. The “rasta” so we speak is foggy, full of pebbles and stones, each turn bringing a new surprise. I still like walking on it though. Let’s see where it takes me.
P.S. rasta is hindi equivalent to path.
If a person is taking their guard down, sincerely making an effort to see you happy, expressing their fears and insecurities in moments of doubt; When you know it is not going to be just pink and peaches but also sombre shades of grey on some days. When you secretly feel universe has conspired and made you stumble across each other’s path. Even after all that has been done and dusted, when someone manages to bring a smile on your face. When they hug you and are in no rush to let go. When you are too happy and scared at the same time because nothing lasts forever. What do you do? Do you take the plunge?
Have I found my missing piece of puzzle?