It has been so long since I was all by myself that I have forgotten how it actually feels. Was busy day in, day out with a number of things and today when I have nothing else to do apart from ruminating, I write. I stay alone and this is a bit surprising to me, because duh! how much of alone time do you need? May be, I have intentionally kept myself so occupied that I get no time to think. Could be good, could be bad. I strained my brain cells a little and realized I have become something else over these years.
This is the same, yearly, on coming birthday panic talk. I turn 27 a day after. Decided to take it in a positive stride this time! Is my life figured out yet—>
Bank Balance? hahaha..Come again?
Life Partner? Recuperating from commitment-phobia.
So then, reasons to smile? I might have some. Just finished my beginner’s French class. Spent a happy year teaching lovely kids and making new friends. Moments when I self treated myself, with a hot chocolate drink, a mango shake or a cute dress. Funny dance moves. Long conversations and kissing emojis. Tiny trips here and there. Things that must not be shared. Night owl turning into an early bird moments. Trying to finish what’s on my plate moments. These little things. I think I could take on 27. 🙂 <3.
Fingers crossed though.
Am I changing?
Metamorphosing from caterpillar to a butterfly?
I often feel the world runs too fast for my pace. Like I am a snail trying to keep up with a leopard. And then I ponder, why can’t I take leisure in my pace. Definitely, the leopard and I don’t have a common destination in our minds. I have stopped speculating over the would be’s. At this moment, I have ample reasons to smile. And I find that enough. Nerves being nerves always act crazy, however, there is something different in my stride. Like it has found a way to walk on. The “rasta” so we speak is foggy, full of pebbles and stones, each turn bringing a new surprise. I still like walking on it though. Let’s see where it takes me.
P.S. rasta is hindi equivalent to path.
If a person is taking their guard down, sincerely making an effort to see you happy, expressing their fears and insecurities in moments of doubt; When you know it is not going to be just pink and peaches but also sombre shades of grey on some days. When you secretly feel universe has conspired and made you stumble across each other’s path. Even after all that has been done and dusted, when someone manages to bring a smile on your face. When they hug you and are in no rush to let go. When you are too happy and scared at the same time because nothing lasts forever. What do you do? Do you take the plunge?
Have I found my missing piece of puzzle?
Time flies by when you are happy. A very true statement by some anonymous guy who quoted it. What do I do? Recollect every beautiful moment spent in the past few months and pen it down? Mind does a quick retort: let it be. So I try not to run amok backwards. Keep myself focussed on the now.
Another itching fact about time is, it never stops. Keeps running so darn unaffectedly. Everyday, you are changing, people around you are changing, molecules colliding, chemical reactions happening, drama, frenzy, doldrums, emotions. When I can barely control the miniscule event of a leaf accidentally crackling under my foot, why bother controlling humans, their actions or the consequences there on?!
Lahe Lahe..this is an Assamese phrase I got to know from a recent trip to the North East part of India. What it means is, to take it easy! Stay unhurried. One of the many lovely things I am taking back from the place.
Belated New year wishes to all! 🙂 I’ll be around.
Some ties get too weak over a span of time; so much so that a slight pull would break the strings.
One cannot trace back to time, and no actions would anchor the sailing ship.
So I let the remnants of that feeble string keep hanging, do not move it, do not break it, do not fix it.
Emotions so strong you cannot express at all, a love so stubborn it wouldn’t take the fall.
I am all over the place. Certain life situations break your heart into pieces. Make you feel like this is the end of it all. Everything slipping out of hands. One having no control over the present. You just have to live through the wretched train of events.
The end of anything beautiful is always painful. Though you pictured and recreated the end in your head a zillion times…this is how it will end..and this is how I will deal with it. And you distance yourself from anything that could remotely hurt or even prick you. Fixed, coped, mended yourself. Let time play its magic on you.
And still, here I am…almost akin to a bruised puppy. Thought I had excelled the art of letting go. It’s funny how time flies and your feelings don’t even budge a centimeter. I read this somewhere…Love what you love with reckless abandon. And what if it only torments you in return?
Live the pain. Embrace it. I would say revel in it. Don’t make your emotions subjected to a person’s action. And then love and laugh a little more. Don’t they say every end is a new beginning?