I wish I could get by life with a little less of self doubting. Need to take that plunge. Want to break out of the humdrum. Have to act now. I miss these blogs that used to be my emotional outlets. I guess, will get back to the things I identify doing.
For some unfathomable reason I am hooked to this TV Series, Desperate Housewives. There, I put it out. Time to get off unhealthy routines.
Wonder what’s changed with WordPress during this time. Things are changing too fast around the world anyway.
I have missed you WordPress. My company in solace. Today, I find myself in a deep pit of restlessness again and I come back, trying to find some answers. Could you sit back and cater to my delusional ideas, please. How agitating it is not knowing what you want in life? I find myself drifting away from reality. I am uncomfortable around my friends I once shared great bonds with. Makes me wonder, were they friends at the first place? Family equations are getting complex by the day. I am starting to feel dissatisfied with my work. Too reluctant to advice, too stubborn to changes. I know I need to change certain things about me, I just don’t know where to start and if it is too late. Even if I turn out to be an anomaly, it would help if I was a self-contained one.
Am I changing?
Metamorphosing from caterpillar to a butterfly?
I often feel the world runs too fast for my pace. Like I am a snail trying to keep up with a leopard. And then I ponder, why can’t I take leisure in my pace. Definitely, the leopard and I don’t have a common destination in our minds. I have stopped speculating over the would be’s. At this moment, I have ample reasons to smile. And I find that enough. Nerves being nerves always act crazy, however, there is something different in my stride. Like it has found a way to walk on. The “rasta” so we speak is foggy, full of pebbles and stones, each turn bringing a new surprise. I still like walking on it though. Let’s see where it takes me.
P.S. rasta is hindi equivalent to path.
Time flies by when you are happy. A very true statement by some anonymous guy who quoted it. What do I do? Recollect every beautiful moment spent in the past few months and pen it down? Mind does a quick retort: let it be. So I try not to run amok backwards. Keep myself focussed on the now.
Another itching fact about time is, it never stops. Keeps running so darn unaffectedly. Everyday, you are changing, people around you are changing, molecules colliding, chemical reactions happening, drama, frenzy, doldrums, emotions. When I can barely control the miniscule event of a leaf accidentally crackling under my foot, why bother controlling humans, their actions or the consequences there on?!
Lahe Lahe..this is an Assamese phrase I got to know from a recent trip to the North East part of India. What it means is, to take it easy! Stay unhurried. One of the many lovely things I am taking back from the place.
Belated New year wishes to all! 🙂 I’ll be around.
Days when I don’t talk, I am waiting for the storm to settle. For my senses to resurface. Run back to the routine. Everything is bleak yet there is a comfort in the unknown. I am all up for novel experiences, and this unabashed uncertainty is the first of its sorts. Did I say too much, do I go too far? Where do I stand? What do I want? Days when I am not talking, these rigmarole of questions keep hitting my conscience.
I am wading away from the past, subconsciously. It pricks me a bit because past was my idea of perfection. Now, it is gone. But present is here, and present looks good too. :).
My blog, if it were human, must be really mad at me. I have almost abandoned it. To be true, I am lacking resources and also the zeal to keep up with it. Few observations I have had while I was away:
– I am pretty messed up, don’t know if I was so from before or it is something new.
– I most certainly have some eating disorder which might be a result of myriad other issues.
– I am tired of putting up a strong face. People around me say I am hovering negativity around me. I don’t like their suggestions. I don’t like their advice. I don’t know who means well.
– I need to rise above self speculation. Not bother about every sentence that comes out of someone’s mouth. Not be so self involved. There is a whole world of things outside me. Break the bubble.
– There is no need to prove anything to anyone.
– All is well.
I did visit two-three places meanwhile. Some of my friends marriages and a short summer trip to Puducherry. I also cut my hair. Traveling is good. Surroundings are temperate. But I have to sort myself out. Ah.. if only I could use some magic wand and stop growing up! Nothing seems right these days. Nothing gives immense joy. :(. I do not want to be this gloomy person. I am stalling this post here.