Time flies by when you are happy. A very true statement by some anonymous guy who quoted it. What do I do? Recollect every beautiful moment spent in the past few months and pen it down? Mind does a quick retort: let it be. So I try not to run amok backwards. Keep myself focussed on the now.
Another itching fact about time is, it never stops. Keeps running so darn unaffectedly. Everyday, you are changing, people around you are changing, molecules colliding, chemical reactions happening, drama, frenzy, doldrums, emotions. When I can barely control the miniscule event of a leaf accidentally crackling under my foot, why bother controlling humans, their actions or the consequences there on?!
Lahe Lahe..this is an Assamese phrase I got to know from a recent trip to the North East part of India. What it means is, to take it easy! Stay unhurried. One of the many lovely things I am taking back from the place.
Belated New year wishes to all! 🙂 I’ll be around.
Days when I don’t talk, I am waiting for the storm to settle. For my senses to resurface. Run back to the routine. Everything is bleak yet there is a comfort in the unknown. I am all up for novel experiences, and this unabashed uncertainty is the first of its sorts. Did I say too much, do I go too far? Where do I stand? What do I want? Days when I am not talking, these rigmarole of questions keep hitting my conscience.
I am wading away from the past, subconsciously. It pricks me a bit because past was my idea of perfection. Now, it is gone. But present is here, and present looks good too. :).
I am quite languid today. Languid not distressed, which is somewhat good. I don’t know what I’ll write right now. I have to start eating regularly. I have been so lost, I have forgotten to take my care. I have given up cooking and I have given up eating as well since quite a few days. Why this self professed stupidity?! I don’t know. Somewhere the back of my head is ringing it’s unhealthy but I need a jolt. Eat moronic creature eat! I have to revive many things. I got to liven up a little. Add spark into this daily activities. Practise some self indulgence. Eat some chocolates. Cook some yummy delicious meal. Refill my iPod with some perky songs. Open up some novel. Got to start studying something. I have to go back and assure my guitar that I haven’t abandoned it. I have so much to do! Why am I humming tunes of laziness here? Atleast accomplish the regular tasks of making yourself dinner. Will you? Mmm I will. Will you for sure? Yes I will.
(Things crazy people do when alone: talk to self like there are two of you)
Well the damage is already done!
What do we do now? We start writing up a blog…we start changing our choice of songs..we start setting up goals..something we are totally new at…WE get up our asses out of the bed every morning and face the day…and even though nights again remind us of our shitty situation..we try our best to ignore the devious night. I use here WE because I am aware there are many many people at this very moment going through the same life altering phase as I am. It’s no big deal on a larger scale. So you thought you had it all sorted out! So you were ignorantly very happy in your own bubble of fantasies. Your life had found meaning. There were obstacles but you said…i’ll take it all! I’ll be the shield and armor and everything for this person. I’ll bear the brunt and wait for the long haul. I’ll push my limits and test my patience. I’ll do every fricking thing. As long as I have you. And what happened? It came like a huge blow and shattered you to the very core. Like how they show in high definition videos when a gun shot peirces a glass wall and there are shards scattered everywhere. Very dramatic eh?! Heart breaks are always dramatic. And no matter how many times you have experienced it…the next one is always more torturous than its predecessors. So here is my endeavour to recover from a FRESH heart break..feels like end of something beautiful. Had it pictured all differently. And I am no movie character who will rise from the ashes and see new light at some place different. I mean I’ll definitely move on, more so because of my adorably cute traits. But I just want to preserve it at some place safe. Like okay! It couldn’t last forever but i want it etched in history on some strong strong wall so that whatever We had felt and shared will never ever wane and remain intact no matter how many years pass by. May be this one has left me poetic. :P.
So what next? No more falling for wrong people? I don’t know if that’s even possible. I think these wrong people…they have some magnet attached to their bodies and you keep getting drawn. They should come with signboards you know: “Hello! Tread with Caution”
I might have seen some light amidst all this crap. People you love remain loved throughout your life. They might be far and you won’t see or hear from them but they can’t escape your love . :). You know how some sensible people say I am waiting for the right person! I guess i’ll chuck this refined theory and go through all these series of wrong people and find my right guy in the process. I mean who thinks and then falls in love! Robots may be. I am a human. I’ll love with all my might and I’ll make HUGE mistakes and I’ll be fine. Yeah I know that. So my plan ahead is simple: have a heart of gold and keep shining! Some may hurt you..you may hurt some..it’s all very complicated and not worth thinking. Keep it simple and easy.