It has been so long since I was all by myself that I have forgotten how it actually feels. Was busy day in, day out with a number of things and today when I have nothing else to do apart from ruminating, I write. I stay alone and this is a bit surprising to me, because duh! how much of alone time do you need? May be, I have intentionally kept myself so occupied that I get no time to think. Could be good, could be bad. I strained my brain cells a little and realized I have become something else over these years.
This is the same, yearly, on coming birthday panic talk. I turn 27 a day after. Decided to take it in a positive stride this time! Is my life figured out yet—>
Bank Balance? hahaha..Come again?
Life Partner? Recuperating from commitment-phobia.
So then, reasons to smile? I might have some. Just finished my beginner’s French class. Spent a happy year teaching lovely kids and making new friends. Moments when I self treated myself, with a hot chocolate drink, a mango shake or a cute dress. Funny dance moves. Long conversations and kissing emojis. Tiny trips here and there. Things that must not be shared. Night owl turning into an early bird moments. Trying to finish what’s on my plate moments. These little things. I think I could take on 27. 🙂 <3.
Fingers crossed though.
Days when I don’t talk, I am waiting for the storm to settle. For my senses to resurface. Run back to the routine. Everything is bleak yet there is a comfort in the unknown. I am all up for novel experiences, and this unabashed uncertainty is the first of its sorts. Did I say too much, do I go too far? Where do I stand? What do I want? Days when I am not talking, these rigmarole of questions keep hitting my conscience.
I am wading away from the past, subconsciously. It pricks me a bit because past was my idea of perfection. Now, it is gone. But present is here, and present looks good too. :).
I have never been that much of a superstitious person but they say no…Read the signs! I look out for signs..! Don’t know if that is silly or indecisive on my part but I do keep looking.
Say I am adding items to the shopping cart and there is just one stock left..sign that I should buy it! 😀
I am overdoing my work or spending whole of my day glued to the monitor screen and my laptop suddenly snaps off,..sign that I should take a break! (My laptop is really old guys)
Today, on my way to office…a BIG hoarding read “It is now or never!” And i started pondering..what?! What is now or never.
There are days when people walk past me with words written over their shirt, “keep calm” and I do take a note.
The truth is, I am kind of a lost being and in my weak moments..in my desparate moments..I just reach out for something that makes me feel better or gives me a direction. I guess we all do..and still hate to admit it. Nobody likes to be faulty but after a certain time, we just accept these faults as our character traits and move on!
Recently saw this actor Ranveer Singh dressed in a night suit for some fashion magazine event and his shirt read “No Fucks To Give”. Want the T shirt and little bit of that attitude!
This weekend has been a relaxing one. A little too relaxing I would say. When you are not doing anything, your mind runs in myriad directions. It dwells into the past, it tries to foresee the future. Either way, you sit back and contemplate and draw new conclusions for yourself. I have had very less interaction with the outside world since last three days and ample of time to ponder. Probably one of the reasons why I am writing down right now. I slept, went out for a stroll, I ate, I shopped, I read the news, and now I am writing. I could talk to my friends but I would rather not for today. Some are away. I guess the ones I wanna talk to are away. Anyway. There I was wondering, given to my weekend free time. Procrastination could be coined as a disease. It’s doing me lot of harm. I have activities lined up in my head and no urge to carry them forward. No push. No zeal. If only, something inside me could twist and curl and turn me all spunky! More disciplined. About my guitar lessons, my routine, about my unfinished novels, about numerous other stuff. I want to outgrow these stupid little weekend thoughts. Work it girl! There is no other go. They won’t have a cure as they haven’t termed it a disease yet. May be I’ll come up with a more activity-filled article next weekend if things go right. If my head works right I mean!