Am I changing?
Metamorphosing from caterpillar to a butterfly?
I often feel the world runs too fast for my pace. Like I am a snail trying to keep up with a leopard. And then I ponder, why can’t I take leisure in my pace. Definitely, the leopard and I don’t have a common destination in our minds. I have stopped speculating over the would be’s. At this moment, I have ample reasons to smile. And I find that enough. Nerves being nerves always act crazy, however, there is something different in my stride. Like it has found a way to walk on. The “rasta” so we speak is foggy, full of pebbles and stones, each turn bringing a new surprise. I still like walking on it though. Let’s see where it takes me.
P.S. rasta is hindi equivalent to path.
Chocolate pastries are my respite these days. They are really perking me up. I am learning to deal with trauma. Now calling my situation trauma makes it outright stupid. :D. I am dealing with something though. Learning how to be with myself. Laughing at my own stupidities. Massive shoe shopping(don’t know what’s up with that!!!). Trying out new things..like for instance green food..spinach. I am totally aversive to it, so it’s kind of a big deal. I cooked after a decade..well after a sabbatical atleast. And i burnt it. My food. Yesterday. I was in some other zone..forgot to pour water. Came to another room. And then I am hearing noises..chht…ppttt…tktt…you know of burning..held my head in shock. My frying pan all black. What is that expression….face palm for myself!
It’s cool. It’s alright. I mean life in general. I never write on anything in particular..you know..news..politics..sports. Neither do I probe into the fiction zone. Not quite sure what I do here. It does make me happy though..when I read about people going through different phenomenons in their lives and to realize that I am just one of them. People go through worst and still manage to smile. Assures me that it’s okay to be sparkly on some days and laggardly on others. :). It’s all in the moments. What you make of the moments.
This new year…even if figuratively speaking, is giving me lot of positive vibes about it. I am going with the flow. I am not putting much thought into things. I met this guy the other day…and in middle of something he noticed the weird brown color of my eyes..and i have been through that “oh your eyes are different..beautiful” so many times…and i responded my usual “yeah..i have heard that”..but it still felt good. Made me smile. My inside nerves were kind of surprised..that okay, i am feeling content in the moment. We walked…and spoke…and walked some more..and i have lost track of the responses i evoke when a guy is looking at me..but the funny thing is I still blush. It was like am dusting off an old book from yore. The uncertainities when meeting a new person are plenty and i guess that makes it so easy. You are not expecting anything and there is no load on your shoulders. I know life goes on…and people come people go….am not analysing it much. May be it’s better to be in the moment. My friends are pretty relieved and happy that i met some person! It’s endearing to realize how they are always there. And it’s funny how they enquire and speculate. Mind says: Take it easy.