Musings #107

Here is a theory (yep! call me crazy): When you part with someone you love…it becomes kind of obvious that you are going to be Mr./Miss/Mrs. gloomy for a plentiful days. You won’t get out of bed, you won’t eat right, you won’t mingle, you will possibly do all deplorable things to make you much worse than you are. At that point of time, it seems justified, a natural course of action. Like, yeah that person mattered to me, and I am literally down in the dumps without them.

But, how about doing the exact opposite? Say improving yourself for the ones you loved. Yeah let the gloominess phase out; if it doesn’t, limp, crawl, somehow, fight out of it. Sure, getting out of the bed seems like a hill to surmount. You are better than that, heck I am better than that. Wonder what it would be like, if you just sat and decided to be a better version of yourself. I mean what’s there to lose now right? Store the residuals in a locker or something. Do something good. Something fulfilling, that delights you. Take up some activity out of your comfort zone, learn something you are entirely new to. Imagine, if you ever meet this person somewhere down the lane, you could just smile and say, your love made me stronger.

It doesn’t always have to end on a bitter note.

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Rants…such a waste of time.

Get your shit together! I remind myself. Almost on a daily basis. So, today has been a hectic day. By mental and physical standards. My health is deteriorating. I am sensing it. And like a fool, I am keeping record of it instead of doing something about it. Like how a 70 year old celebrity who is in hospital is reported by the tabloids. Day before yesterday, admitted. Yesterday, not looking good. Today, taking the 70 year old to surgery. Here, I am the 70 year old and I am the tabloid. I think I’ll write my story to the hospital bed. What a sad human being. I assume this is my way of staying in delusion. I am waiting for the worst moment. Like okay..life could get worst..show me how worse?! I know I am ruining it. Working late..skipping meals..sleeping and avoiding daily chores. Couldn’t these scientists come up with some vaccine that would boost your energy cells? Make you happy ..make you wanna do things the normal way? I am on the wrong track and I am coercing myself again..get your shit together. Only words. It comes from within right..that positive feeling. Have my insides gone stale? So soon? Will I never be actually happy..actually normal from the inner core of my being? I am writing this to make note of this phase. I want to get on to the next jubilient phase and write a polar opposite article against this one. I have to fix my timings, eating, learning, staying, living, breathing..i have to breathe without any thought at the back of my head. Cope with me readers. I will, rise from the dead! Or rise before I am dead!