Days when I don’t talk, I am waiting for the storm to settle. For my senses to resurface. Run back to the routine. Everything is bleak yet there is a comfort in the unknown. I am all up for novel experiences, and this unabashed uncertainty is the first of its sorts. Did I say too much, do I go too far? Where do I stand? What do I want? Days when I am not talking, these rigmarole of questions keep hitting my conscience.
I am wading away from the past, subconsciously. It pricks me a bit because past was my idea of perfection. Now, it is gone. But present is here, and present looks good too. :).
Once you have seen something bad…been through something wrong..your mind becomes cautious. You don’t trust easily…you doubt every good action done to you…you read between the lines…watch every step you take with circumspection. The spontaneity you once fostered is missing..you are wary of taking a full dive this time..you are scared to put your efforts into something new..with the fear of consequences. How wrong could it go? How bad could it be? You’ll hit the ground again? One should never stop believing in miracles. That’s what I have read..seen a zillion times in movies..heard in motivational talks.
If one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better.
I guess Jane Austen is trying to put some sense into me from the yore. Your past may be blue, grey or yellow. It won’t help you determine your present or future’s tint. So I would say..Jump in, again!